That One Guy in the Office

Hummer-LimoI don’t like limousines much. I suppose you could say that I don’t like cramped spaces, not quite claustrophobia but still a kind of anxiety around those sort of places. They’re too boxed in. And now you’re probably wondering how I cope in a regular car, which has much less space than a limo. Well, for one thing those often have proper seatbelts and the lack of expectation that you’re going to be crawling around and getting champagne out of the fridge. And for another, I’m totally fine with stretch hummers. Melbourne has been my home for a while now, and I’ve seen some hummers around. I’m no petrol head, but I do think they look pretty impressive while they’re cruising around, plus they have a lot more space than your average stretch limo.

Still, I’d rather be the driver than the passenger. Sure, everyone wants to be sitting in the back and taking part in the champagne, or whatever you’d actually find in one of those little fridges. Not that I’m going to quit my job and be a stretch hummer driver- though now that I type the words it doesn’t sound all that bad- but if I ever got behind the wheel, I reckon it’d feel pretty good. And usually that would be in the case of a driving school or some kind of deserted track. Those things are hard to drive, I’d imagine, especially if you’re driving in a cramped area and all you can do is pray that the back of your gigantic stretch vehicle doesn’t knock off anyone’s bumper. Or worse.

But yeah, it’s not like I’ll ever be behind the wheel. Best case scenario, the company will decide that we’ve all been working hard and they’ll throw some do in the city and we’ll all be picked up by Melbourne’s limousines services. Maybe hummers, maybe not. But the company does stuff like that.